First Day of Preschool

Clark's first day of preschool was February 24th. I took my camera. I was ready for the great "First Day" shot. I clicked the shutter. And my camera battery died before the shutter could open. I was seriously bummed. Anyway, these pictures of of Clark's second day.

His teacher, who is also the director of the preschool, told me yesterday that he is very well behaved and smart. She also gave me a copy of Jenny McCarthy's book, Mother Warriors and suggested that we get Clark tested for Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Many of you know that we had Clark tested last fall to see where he was developmentally. At that time, he was said to "be in the normal range." His new teacher explained to me that the numbers the school system uses to evaluate children are based on legislation from the 1970's, and are completely inadequate, especially considering the rise of childhood autism.

Clark's preschool teacher, Heidi Harlow of Harmony Farm, told me the day we toured her preschool that she could tell the moment we walked through the door that "something was up with Clark." She recommended a developmental pediatrician and told me that she would be happy to help me to navigate the waters of testing, and battling the school system on Clark's behalf. And that was only having known her for about 20 minutes. She is very passionate about her work, but she is especially passionate about Autism. Then, on Clark's second day, after she handed me the book, she said, "Well, if this is the worst, then you've got it really good!" She was complimenting Clark and trying to remind me that he is certainly very high-functioning. We could have it a lot worse.

We have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm almost finished with the book, but it has taken me three weeks to get through it. I open it and read, and then I cry. It's overwhelming emotionally and daunting in terms of potential therapies.

And then there are the accompanying questions of doubt in my mind. Will Clark continue to improve? Will Clark regress? Will he ever be able to go to school without an aid? Will he have "normal" social relationships? Will he have good friends? Will high school be hell? Will he serve a mission? Will he fall in love? Will he get married? Will he have a family? I feel paralyzed.

And then Sunday night, Jose and I watched a movie that has helped me to put things into perspective. It's an HBO film called Temple Grandin, and it's a true story about a woman of the same name. She was diagnosed with Autism in the 1950's, back when it was typically called infantile schizophrenia, and children were generally institutionalized for having it.

Watching this film is an amazing visual experience. You see how Temple sees. You feel how Temple feels. And she unlocks the door to understanding Autism.

In real life, Temple Grandin has done just that. She is now in her 60's and she has earned a B.S. a Master's and a PhD. Her career in livestock behavior and animal handling is unquestionably remarkable. She has published at least 6 books on Autism. Her life, more than anything else for me, is a testimony of what is possible, no matter what. Against all odds.

Hope for my baby.

Clark is an amazing, sweet little boy. He is truly the sunshine in my life. I am so blessed to be his mother.